Wherever You Aren’t Album Lyrics

Headgear

I thought my headaches in the morning were coming from my bad dreaming

But my lover told me I'm just grinding my teeth while I've been deep sleeping

I thought my eyes were tired in the afternoon from the sun beaming

But I stopped crying for most of the time and did some real healing

How bout that

I figured it out

I talk about it now sometimes oh, but what about

I thought my buzzing on the bad times wouldn't come back in the late evening

But when it does I let myself go through all of those shit feelings

How bout that

I figured it out

I talk about it now sometimes oh, but what about

I thought my mind was out to get me much faster than my body

My mind is faster than it thinks to run to where it doesn't need to be

And when comes to the stillness of my heaving breathing

I kiss my lover, put a mouthguard in and get to sleeping

How bout that

Synthetic Fabrics

Made plans for when I was sixteen when I was about eight or nine

Making plans for my mid-thirties since I turned twenty five

Seems strange, and if I do the math right seems what I plan today

Was planned out by my last self, round it up and it's been a decade

Synthetic fabrics life syndicated

Song symbiotic

Simple and jaded

Seemingly present life anticipated

Ideals and logic blurred out and faded

Spend the day focused on the next one

Build a schedule I gracefully erase

Spend the night with a head full of ideas

I should put a list in its place

Seems I need just a bit more consistency

Or at least that's what the app said

Scream out secrets in case someone's listening

Cancel dinner and go straight to bed

Synthetic fabrics life syndicated

Song symbiotic

Simple and jaded

Seemingly present

Life anticipated

Ideals and logic blurred out and faded

Lay in my old bed

Do simple equations

Try and bore myself to sleep

Quickly veers to finances and my body

And all the things I need to do by next week

Next week what if I got pregnant

What if one day I want to have kids

What if tomorrow I cancel my appointment

What if I'm not made for this

Synthetic fabrics life syndicated

Song symbiotic

Simple and jaded

Seemingly present

Life anticipated

Ideals and logic blurred out and faded

Where’s My Bike

My bike is still in my ex's garage

And I'll never get it back

The pile of to do lists has gotten quite large

Guess I'm alright with that

My mom calls to ask about my week

And can tell it's a trap

My leg starts to jump to tell me I'm in

For another panic attack

My car is parked at the edge of my parent's lot

Cuz I basically live with them

My phone overheated on the seat

Cuz i forgot to bring all my stuff in

My friends don't talk to me much anymore

And i don't blame them

What do I have left to say about shit

That would be worth listening to

Well I didn't know I was in a rut

Until I could feel it in my gut

And I didn't think things got this far

And now I'm not sure what these things are

No, no, no

My shoes are wet from the neighbors yard

My dad warned not to walk in

I'm going to a cafe to stare at a book

I'm too tired to be reading

My coffee is almost as bitter as I am

Isn't even worth drinking

I'm going to a park to lay on a tire swing

Till someone catches me sleeping

My arms are dangling back and forth

Almost touching the hot sand

I'm sick of singing songs about my exes

Should join somebody else's band

Play songs about their life instead of mine

Be part of a very marketable brand

Or I could keep wallowing all afternoon

Only think about my own problems

I didn't know I was in a rut

Until I could feel it in my gut

I didn't think things got this far

Now I'm not sure what things are

I didn't know I was so far gone

But now I admit that I was wrong

I didn't think I could turn things around

But now I'll put my feet back on the ground

Ex’s House Party

I can see from the corner

You're watching if I'm watching too

Here again and when I'm out

I tell them I just friends now with you

Talk about what's old and new

And dance around what's in between

Dirty walls and letting go

And what that really means

I can see from the landing

You've got the affection you crave

Would still be standing right here

With a drink she made me even if I'd stayed

Slip outside to get a ride without saying goodbye

Turn around to see if you'd stop me

Even though it'd hurt more if you tried

I'm stuck in the hallway, afraid to close the door

And you used to be so far away

But not so much anymore

And I built this up around me

And I can't stop looking at the floor

Well, it's hard to look you in the eye and know

That this will never be more than what it is now

Street lights are making lines down the empty road from the rain

So I'll wait inside pretend to look at the faces in your frames

Kitchen light behind my back are showing everything on the glass

Your arm's around her shoulder

And i'm trying to make sense on how I feel about the past

I'm stuck in the hallway, afraid to close the door

And you used to be so far away

But not so much anymore

And I built this up around me

And I can't stop looking at the floor

Well, it's hard to look you in the eye and know

That this will never be more than what it is now

Well it's hard to look you in the eye

And know that this was never really more than what it is now

Soft Serve

I know you’ll go home if you say so
And truth be told it’s gotten old
Your heart’s not so cold

Soft serve is sweeter served in a cone
And heart break breaks harder
When you’re far from home
Summer days feel longer
when you’re on you own
Heartbreak breaks harder
When you’re all alone

I know feelings come and go
But mine won’t
Thrills are bold, but they get old
This isn’t just that, you know

Soft serve is sweeter in the summertime
Cloudy days hit harder when you aren’t alright
And movies feel better when it’s hot outside
And love songs are better
When they don’t have to hide

Would you look at that weather
Do you want to be together
They say this summer will break records
Do you want to be together

From June to May I hope you’ll stay next to me
Sad and gray or happy days you will see
In the humid air, or the sun’s glare I’m your fool
Here or there or anywhere I’m next to you
Here or there or anywhere I’m next to you

Emotionally Available

I am not your old love

Turn me on and turn off the switch

In my head that tells me I am just another itch

To scratch to pass the time to avoid the dark in your days

Turn me down if you do not have the decency to say

I am not emotionally available

And I am not currently fully capable

Of new love

Take me out and take all of my energy

That I could give to someone else or just me

Instead you create a path for words to dance in a haze

Well turn me down if you do not have the decency to say

I am not emotionally available

And I am not currently fully capable

Of new love

Well new love

I am not your old love

Differently

This old feeling always feels so new
This time baby the feeling’s all for you
Always say that this time really is the worst
This time, I swear this time
It really seems to hurt a little differently
A little differently

Walking anywhere that’s full of noise
Body mind so ready to avoid
I always say my loneliness
Is at it’s strongest now
But this time, I swear this time
It’s getting on somehow
A little differently
Oh, a little differently

And it’s not easy all the time
No it’s not easy all the time

This new feeling’s always creeping in
When I say it’s a pattern repeated again
I always say I choose things I know
Deep down won’t work out
But this time, I swear this time
I really went about it a little differently

Sitting where the silence is the best
Taking off the front of confidence
I’ve never said I’m losing what is worth
The work to me
But this time, I swear this time
I’ve done
I’ll do things

A little differently
Oh, a ittle differently
And it’s not easy all the time
No it’s not easy all the time
And I’m not easy all the time
And you’re not easy all the time

And I’ll stop calling all the time
Just let me know you’re doing fine

Clown Song

I’ve got a lump in my throat
Poking at it for a thrill
I’m controlling the notes
Choking on a ream of scarves
Trying to stand still

Only so many pins I can juggle
So many tales I can spin
Atop the big top on the tightrope I struggle
Fell into a puddle
Send in the clouds roll on in

Well you’ve watched me try to balance
A million things on ten tiny plates
Every thing is tipped over
The tent is ripped off the stakes
My wig’s gone with the wind
The rain washed the paint off my face

I’ve been so bent on your smile
To turn and see the storm
I’ve mixed joy with pain
But what joy is fame
Whether bashful or brave
You didn’t love me just the same
The least funny thing
Is realizing
Someone doesn't love you on a rainy day

Don’t worry my brother is picking me up
If you call I won’t call back
You’ll be busy with your own shows
I’ll be busy with who knows I will try to
Put in this act

It’s a downpour and I’ve got water balloons
They don’t have the same effect they once did
And the rest of my bag of tricks
To find a love that sticks
Has a hole in the bottom
And doesn’t even zip

I’ve been so bent on your smile
To turn and see a storm
I’ve mixed joy with pain
But what joy is fame
Whether bashful or brave
Would this have ended just the same
The funniest least thing is realizing
Realizing it won’t matter to me one day

It’s not funny when I’m standing
In these big shiny shoes
When I get out of here
I’m getting out of them
And out of love with you

No one loves you on a rainy day

You Know I Know

Coiled up on a string in a wire
Headed out to Brooklyn
Faster than wild fire
Glad you called
Is everything fine
I haven’t used a landline in quite sometime

There are lovers who make it a scene
There are lovers only in dreams
There are lovers I pretend to be something to
You know I know you know I know
They aren’t you

You know I know
I still have that sweater from your sister
You know I know
I still wear it every Midwest winter
You know I know
What the plan was at the New Years party
You know I know
That every time it hurts when you say sorry

Coiled up in a ball on the bed
Shouldn’t be talking anymore
But I called back instead
Glad you’re better since everything last spring
But I don’t know if calling me
Is really what you need

There are people I gave up on
There are people who think I’m always strong
There are people I can always turn to
You know I know you know I know
They aren’t you

You know I know
When you lie I know that you were using
You know I know
Wagons fall
December winds are chilling
You know I know
You are so much more than just your mistakes
You know I know
Everything is said and done and too late

You know I know
You know I know
You know I know

You can call me sometime
If you need to
But I need to move on down the line

If you don’t want to talk at all
Or at least for awhile
I get it

Wherever You Aren’t

You will never be a stranger in the crowd

I could describe every inch of you, even now

You will always be on my mind when I'm in town

You will be the one I'm hoping is around

Tonight

I would love to see you

Even though I shouldn't

I would love for you to love me even though you can't and couldn't

I would love to hear you say

It's so nice to see you

I would love it even though we know that isn't true

Cuz it will never be a pleasure to see you then leave

Walk away wanting you to run back to me

It will always be a moment I let myself see

It will be the dream I have and use when I please

I would love to see you even though I shouldn't

I would love for you to love me even though you can't and couldn't

I would love to hear you say it's so nice to see you

I would love it even though we know that isn't true

I won't see you but if I do

I would make my heart sing

I won't try to make conversation

I will smile and leave

Wherever you are

Wherever you aren't

That's okay